tfln

[bestqualified]

1. I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag.

2. I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.

3. I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.

4. I seriously think we need to revise your idea of 'keeping a low profile'.

5. [Text her!]